i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
