i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
