so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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