Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
