Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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