Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
