Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
