i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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