He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
