I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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