My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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