You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
