I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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