I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
