that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
