We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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