Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
