Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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