you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
