Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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