I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
