Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
