She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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