Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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