So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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