Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
