I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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