Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
