I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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