god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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