woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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