Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize