i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
