I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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