His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
