someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
