the condom got lost in my hair
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
