Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
