i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
