Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize