The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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