If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
