Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
