I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
