Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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