If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
