Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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