i just had sex bonerless
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
