i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize