Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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