Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
