I'm jealous of your bromance
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
