Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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