I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
