I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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