once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
