The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
