hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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