Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
