We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize