I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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