I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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