I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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