if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
