Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
