I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize