did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
pray to the hookup gods
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
