i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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