He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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