I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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