Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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