I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
