I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
