dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
