I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize