Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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