How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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