Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
