Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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