and my herpes radar will keep us safe
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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