I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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