I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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